i want to.

I want to board a plane 

I want to go on an adventure

I want that feeling in my tummy when your both excited and nervous to be going somewhere new

I want to smell the sea air

I want to feel the sun on my pale winter skin

I want to see my friends 

I want to hug and kiss and hold their hand 

I want to look forward to seeing them again 

I want to get excited for all the things that should be happening at this time of year 

I want to plan for our plans 

I want to drive to that place that we like so much 

I want to see my parents and to sit on their couch and slump in that way I do when I visit like I’m 16 again 

I want to sit in their garden and watch the birds and hear mum tell me about the big seagull that keeps stealing all the robins food

I want to lose myself in a day because I’m tired of feeling like there’s so much spare time to fill and I’m planning every minute so I feel productive and useful and it’s exhausting 

I want to listen to music loud and dance like mad with my friends 

I want to walk in a neighbourhood where no one knows me and every street I’ve never seen before 

I want to take the time to waste a moment 

I want to watch the sun come up and go down in the same day and to not have been home in between 

I want to be silly with my closest friends and laugh till my body curls up and my stomach hurts and we don’t know what we’re laughing at anymore

I want to walk along the beach and feel like there are so many possibilities ahead 

I want to not worry about if mum and dad are washing their food shopping and if they touch their face after they were in that shop before

I want to see my friend, and get all excited for her wedding because she’s waited long enough now 

I want to go to a bar and order a cocktail and then another and then another 

I want to eat a three course meal in a dress and wear heels that I feel silly in but think I should be wearing because I am a grown up woman now

I want to watch him from across the table and tickle his feet with my feet and get a tipsy on a bottle of wine with him

I want to go to a festival and dance during the day with him beside me

I want to be in a different country and drink coffee that is too strong for me that ill probably worry about having a panic attack but then ill get distracted by exploring again

I want to hear people talking in another language and wonder what they are saying 

I want to see a couple arguing in foreign on the corner of a street and think wow they seem so passionate and in love, even though if that happens at home id turn to walk the other way

I want to eat a big bowl of pasta for lunch and then get all sleepy in the afternoon sun 

I want to feel like I have freedom and possibilities and options ahead of me

I want to take my next step in life, even though im not sure what that is 

I want to to take our next step together

I want him to be able to do the things that make him happy and feel like his heart is lifted and life is easy and he’ll sleep the best he has in ages

I want to go away in the van for a long long time with no plans or expectations and just to drive and drive and drive

I want to eat dinner with all my family and the kids around me and to probably get annoyed because I think no one is listening to me but to feel that they are all here and safe and healthy 

I want to teach human bodies to move and be in the same room together so that we can all hear each other breathing and moving

I want to.

4 thoughts on “i want to.

  1. Oh I would give anything just for a few of those again! I’ve adjusted so much I’ve forgotten how normal all of those once were. Can only wait until they become normal once again!

    Liked by 1 person

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